How to Stop Sibling Fighting: Encourage Sharing & Peaceful Play

This post has my top 5 tips to encourage sharing and peaceful play with siblings. Learn how to stop sibling fighting.

Imagine siblings playing happily and peacefully for over an hour. You can prep dinner, work on a project, or just read a book! I know some days that sounds like a unicorn fantasy land. I’m sure you are thinking………

“That’s impossible! My kids can’t go 5 minutes without fighting and pinching each other!”

I know the feeling when you send your kids off to play. You are just waiting for a screaming match to start. Then you are even more frustrated when the smallest tiff surfaces.

Of course, it is impossible to stop every single fight in its tracks…..but, there are many things we allow in our homes that encourage sibling rivalry. As parents, we sometimes instigate the fight. Instead, we should teach our kids to disagree calmly and peacefully. They need to find solutions while considering others. That is the key to peaceful sibling play!

What is Sibling Fighting?

• Yelling, screaming, name-calling, pinching, biting, kicking, throwing toys, grabbing toys and running away, ect.
• Not all disagreements equal fighting. It is normal to think differently. It is never normal to yell or hit to get your way.
• Some sibling rivalry is normal, but we don’t need to let it escalate. We can help teach them to play peacefully with their siblings.

Why Does Sibling Fighting Happen?

• It’s human nature to think of ourselves and focus on what we want. Add that to a young child’s undeveloped brain. Not much practice with self-control, and you have a recipe for disaster.
• It is also normal for kids to compete for attention. Or for one to feel like things aren’t fair compared to the other sibling. That is the root of sibling rivalry.
• This quickly turns into anger from a sibling using “my” toy without asking. Or a younger sibling touching a toy that is “off limits”. So the older sibling swoops in and not so gently grabs the toy out of the younger sibling’s hand. Que flood of tears and potential screaming!!

5 Tips to Stop Sibling Fighting and Encourage Peaceful Play

Tip 1: Take Inventory of Screens/Books

• Tablets/Phones-Are they spending excessive amounts of time sitting and looking at their own screens?
• Are they watching shows or reading books that have sibling rivalry as the main theme?
• Are screens used as a crutch to separate kids and “keep the peace”? This makes things worse in the long run, since they don’t get many opportunities to work through disagreements.

Tip 2: Check Your Attitude and Tone

• Our attitudes and tones get noticed and rub off on our kids more than we think. More is caught than taught. Take a couple of days to really pay attention to what you say and your attitude towards your kids.
• Do you speak positively towards younger siblings playing with and helping younger siblings?
  • Turn this into a more positive tone. “Your sibling looks up to you and thinks you are amazing! Take this time to enjoy them and find something you both enjoy doing!”

Tip 3: Encourage Peaceful Playing/Sharing Together

• This goes along with the last tip of positive attitudes. Keep up with those positive encouraging phrases.
  • “I bet that feels awesome that you are like a teacher to them! It is so fun to learn from your older sibling!”
• Here are some games that are awesome for a wide range of ages:
  • Guess Who
  • Go fish
  • Memory match
  • Coloring
  • Zoobs
  • Magnatiles
  • Sticker by Number Pages
  • Hide and Seek
  • Simon Says
• Check out this post on more creative games.

Tip 4: Praise Sharing/Playing Together

• It is so easy to point out the negatives and then forget to acknowledge the positives. You will encourage more peaceful play by pointing out good things!
  • It also helps to remind your kids that you love them, especially in the heat of a fight. Focus on teaching and helping them become better people. Not just that they are so wrong and bad for fighting in the first place.
• Everyone loves to know what they are doing right. They will actually want to do more right if they know their efforts are getting noticed.

Tip 5: Practice, Practice

• Sibling rivalry is inevitable. It really helps to talk about these things ahead of time, before it becomes a heated fight. It is tough for anyone to think clearly and stay calm in those moments.
• Remind your kids
  • If you start to disagree/fight:
    • STOP and take a breath
    • Listen to the other person’s idea
    • Come up with a solution
    • Ask an adult for help or choose to do something else
• Practicing a few “what if’s” really helps
• Welcoming disagreements as real-life practice helps you stay calm. Then you are happy for more practice. Not frustrated the kids are disagreeing in the first place.
• This post has more in depth on teaching empathy, compromise, and getting to the heart of conflict.

Conclusion

This post was all about how to stop sibling fighting and encourage sharing/peaceful play.

Family is the foundation of our world. Siblings are so important. God made us unique and gave us our siblings for a reason. He wants us to learn how to peacefully work and play together. Not spend all our time arguing and fighting!

Use these tips consistently to teach your kids to play together happily and in a more peaceful home!