Important Habits to Raise Helpful and Kind Kids

“Why do I have to help them get their breakfast?!”

“They made the mess, why should I have to clean it up?!”

These are very common complaints from kids not wanting to help their siblings.

This post is all about habits to raise your kids to be helpful and kind. Especially to their family and siblings.

These skills need to be intentionally taught and practiced often to build good habits. We need to push ourselves and our kids to do what God would want us to do and help others. We need to think of others more than we think of ourselves.

Don’t get overwhelmed though. A few simple steps each day can help. A little extra work in the beginning really does pay off in the long run! If you get in the right mindset from the beginning, your kids will catch on. Be patient in your reminders, and they will build good habits in no time.

Why Is It Difficult to Get My Child to Be Helpful and Kind?

• We all know the frustration of asking one child to help another and getting a “why do I have to?!”
• If you are really struggling with this in your home, don’t worry. This skill doesn’t come naturally to most people. After all, we all tend toward sin and selfishness. That’s just how things are after the fall of Adam and Eve.
• Again, it is completely normal for kids to care more about themselves and not want to be helpful. This behavior needs to be taught at home and encouraged to build good habits.

5 Best Habits to Raise Helpful and Kind Kids

These tips will be a great starting tool. They will teach your kids the importance of working together. They will also help them be helpful to their siblings. After a while, they will become habits that you incorporate into your family home.

Don’t stress about doing everything at once! Pick 1 or 2 to start with and then add more as those become 2nd nature.

Habit 1: Teach Them God’s Plan for Family

• Remind them of what God thinks about family. We are a family for a reason. God wants us to stick together and help each other.
  • “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing but encouraging one another.” Hebrews 10:24-25 
  • “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1
• Many bible stories teach the importance of family working together and helping each other.
  • Ruth and Naomi- these in-laws stuck together after the death of their husbands. Ruth said “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.”  Ruth 1:16
  • Jonathan and David-Though not actual blood family, they formed a strong family-like bond. “And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David because he loved him as he loved himself.” 1 Samuel 18:3-4
• There are also some great children’s bibles and books that you can use to teach about helping others.
  • Your Family is God’s Plan
  • My First Catholic Bible Stories-for 1-3 year olds
  • My Catholic Children’s Bible-for 4-7 year olds
  • Great Adventure Kids Catholic Bible Chronicles– for 8-12 year olds
  • With Jesus I Share

****Action Plan: Spend 5 minutes a day 3-5x/week reading a bible story and pointing out kindness and helpfulness.

Habit 2: Family First

• Make time for family dinners
  • Start small-can you go from 0x/week to 3x?
  • If everyone is busy at dinner, can you make family breakfast work?
  • Get creative and find a small chunk of time. Even just 20 minutes can work for you all to sit down together
• Make new family traditions
  • Are there a couple fun things you can do each holiday and birthday that are unique to your family?
    • This helps bond the family members and creates special memories
• Make time for volunteering as a family
  • There are so many ways to volunteer in your community. They don’t even need to take a ton of time if you have small children. It can be tough to find a babysitter!
    • School fundraisers/church events
      • My kids have been a huge help for this even as young 6 years old!
    • Find 1 day/week to help a grandparent for 20-30 minutes.
      • I know that doesn’t seem like much. I’ve been helping my grandma for only 20 minutes a week for the past year. It has brought her, my kids, and myself so much joy. We have helped her get A LOT done!
    • Start a food shelf box
      • Explain it to your kids and have them help pick out items and set them in the box.

****Action Plan: 1.Take 5 minutes to start a food shelf box. Have your kids help you pick items to add to it over the next couple of weeks. 2. Use tips above to try for 5 family meals this week!

Habit 3: Model Kind and Helpful Behavior

• How is your attitude towards helping your parents and siblings?
  • Do you try to do it joyfully (for the most part!) or Is your attitude “I suppose and can try to make that work.”
  • Do you often say “I am too busy to volunteer or help my family with babysitting, ect.”
  • We want to teach our kids that we put helping family first. We do it happily because it feels good to help one another. Even if it does stretch us. Obviously, there are limits to this. You don’t want to feel pressure to say yes to everything and stress yourself out.
• Do you model a team atmosphere in your home?
  • Encourage saying sorry, admitting mistakes, and forgiving each other.
  • Encourage extra good deeds on a family member’s birthday.
  • Encourage cheering siblings on in sports and activities.
  • Family meetings
    • If you don’t do these at all, no worries! It can be as simple as sitting at the dinner table for 5 minutes. Keep it informal to talk about what’s coming up this week. Each family member gets to share what they think. Everyone is on the same page once the plan has been made.

****Action Plan: 1.Take 5 minutes a day to start being intentional about noticing your attitude towards helping others/family. 2. Use another 5 minutes to be intentional about saying sorry to your kids and admitting your mistakes.

Habit 4: Encourage AND Praise Kind/Helpful Behavior

• Promote helping all family members daily
  • It is good to think of others before focusing on what we want to do.
  • After some practice, it becomes normal for everyone to help everyone
  • Family Rule-Our kids must ask if anyone needs help before leaving the kitchen. They know they need to do this after every meal.
  • Helpful Sticks
    • This can be a great starting point for young kids especially
    • Write the name or tape a small picture of each family member on a Popsicle stick and keep in a cup.
    • Add to their daily routine, 1 helpful thing for each family member. This should be done before fun/games/tv.
    • The helpful thing can be as simple as carrying something small, grabbing a tissue, or getting a book.
    • Be sure to point out how great it feels to be helpful and kind!
    • Remind them that we don’t help people because we expect anything back. We want to help others first. Caring for and helping others will bring us JOY!

****Action Plan: 1.Take 5-10 minutes to create helpful sticks for your family. OR 2. Hang a piece of paper somewhere by the exit of the kitchen/dining room as a reminder. Family members should offer to be helpful before leaving after a meal.

Habit 5: Take Turns with Chores

• I also teach my kids to help one another. It isn’t always going to be perfectly fair. God would want us to care about helping others more than what we would want to do for ourselves.
• Taking turns with chores helps promote everyone cleaning up after each other and being helpful. This teaches them we don’t just worry about ourselves. We want to work together as a family.
• Our kids rotate the main chores daily and then have a few tasks they do every day.
  • Here is a post with more tips for getting kids to help with chores.
  • We have also done “zone cleaning’ in the past
    • Each child is assigned a “zone” for the day. During clean-up time, they are responsible for taking care of that area.
    • Example: 1 child checks the playroom, 1 checks the craft room, and one tidies up the living room/entry way.
      • This can be their “zone” for the week until they get the hang of it. You pick the time frame.

****Action Plan: 1.Use the tips above to best fit your family! Cleaning up after a meal with different tasks is a great start. “Zone cleaning” was also helpful for our kids.

Conclusion

Use these tips to raise helpful kids that are kind to others. Build a great family atmosphere in your home. Then they will go out to be blessings to the rest of the world!

Remember, these skills need to be intentionally taught and practiced often. Let’s push ourselves and our kids to do what God would want us to do. We need to think of others more than we think of ourselves!